When The Past Becomes Your Present

Sometimes, it's easier to live in the past because it's familiar to us. Do we choose to learn from the hurt from our past or do we chose to forget the hurt? For me, it's a little bit of both. Nothing good can ever come from the past hurt we once felt. It's best to move on and forget it.  But, what happens when the past becomes your present?

My present is still haunted by my past to some degree. Unfortunate as it is, the past still lingers somewhere in the back of my mind. Many men have come and gone in my life, some were just friends, and some I have loved. As I look back on the one's I loved, hurt is what I remember most. I never really took the time to see their feelings to even notice if they hurt as I did when we broke up. The relationship was over, I continued to hurt and I never looked back to them to see how they were feeling. I guess at the time, it wasn't important to me. Their feelings about ending the relationship were never important to me, until recently.

Recently, I met a man through a friend who we've become friends, and started dating. I don't want to go into much detail, but this relationship is different and unlike any other I have experienced before with anyone else. I truly care about this person and I always want to know how he's feeling. We communicate our every thought with each other about how we feel. To have a man who speaks so freely of his thoughts is such a treasure. Can we share too much of our own thoughts with someone that somewhere in the middle of the conversation we are left feeling doubtful about the relationship? 

Is silence really golden? 

The reason I bring all of this up is because as much as I adore this new man in my life, I'm scared as hell inside. It wasn't until today I started feeling this way. Questions come to mind wondering if we're moving too fast, or not fast enough. My feelings race in a positive, forward momentum, yet my heart still stands guarded. Through the good and bad in relationships, the heart knows no time. If there were true, then why do we find it so hard to forgive the past? Or do we ever? It's only when you have a good thing now that you cherish as I do when we realize the past can no longer shape our future. My personal vow is to not let the past become my present.

Until Next Time,
Much Love,
Nikki