We've all heard it before in our relationships "I'll change" or "Give me a chance to change" or even "I'll prove it to you I've changed, just give me a chance." This always amazes me when I hear about couples who have a significant other that say things like this to them. Or, even when they themselves tell me they'll change for their partner. My answer is usually "Really?" IS it fair to expect your partner to change for you? I don't believe so. There are things we can modify like our lack of ability to take out the garbage. When it comes right down to who we are as a person, I don't believe it's a good idea we "change".
Why would we "change" anyway? Sure, we can grow and we can learn from our mistakes. That's part of growing up. But what is not part of growing up is having to prove yourself to your mate that you're a changed person. Why would I want the person I love to change? To me that makes no sense. If you have to change to be with me, then I don't want to be with you and visa versa.
People grow in different directions in life, some forward, some backwards and some ... well, they think they're growing but really they're not. They may "think" they're growing because something they've done shows maturity but within their hearts they are neutral. To me, that's not growing that's waiting until something else comes along to enlighten you.
I tried to change not too long ago. Although, I welcomed the change I now know it was temporary. Too bad too, because the person I was becoming was the same person I always wanted to be. Now, the change and the growing I'm doing is something I had a true benchmark for -- once ...but only once.
So, when change doesn't really change you need to ask yourself, "Why, would I want the other person to change?" If I don't love then for who they are wholeheartedly, then I shouldn't be with this person. That in itself lies the change.
Until Next Time,
Nikki
7/02/10
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