It's Your Ego

      If there was one person I'd love to have coffee with, it would be Sigmund Freud. I have always been so engaged in anything he's studied or theorized. Sigmund Freud brought us the three different parts of our mind to understand. He gave us these three components of level of awareness. The fist level he calls The conscious mind. This is where we are right now, we are paying attention to what is happening to us at this very moment. An example would be you reading what I'm writing. There is a Pre-conscious mind according to Freud we all have. This would be an example of things we are aware of but really not paying too much attention to at the moment. Perhaps the television is on in the background when you're reading this? That would be your Pre-conscious mind, you know the TV is there yet it has no interference to what you're doing now, like reading my post. We also have a subconscious mind.

      Freud believed this level of our awareness is “the process and content are out of direct reach of the conscious mind. The subconscious thus thinks and acts independently.” (Bannister, 2008). Interesting factor, Freud thought this part of the mind is where the most of our uncontrolled behavior is driven from. He felt this is where we do most of our thinking. My question is, if he felt this was mostly the cause of our behavior controlled or uncontrolled, then we must be living in a mostly subconscious state? Although, “more recent research has shown that the subconscious mind is probably even more in charge of our actions than even Freud had realized.” (Bannister, 2008). My question still remains.

      I'm not sure if this is a good thing or a bad thing that Clinical psychologist Don Bannister described Freud's position on the human personality as being. I wonder how it would effect someone today if someone said this about another person. Would it be a compliment or a put down. Clinical psychologist Don Bannister said this about Sigmund Freud. "...basically a battlefield. He is a dark-cellar in which a well-bred spinster lady (the superego) and a sex-crazed monkey (the id) are forever engaged in mortal combat, the struggle being refereed by a rather nervous bank clerk (the ego)."

      If you take out the “ego's” reference in this quote it would read “basically a battlefield. He is a dark-cellar in which a well-bred spinster lady and a sex-crazed monkey are forever engaged in mortal combat, the struggle being refereed by a rather nervous bank clerk." (edited) To me that doesn't sound very nice. Okay on to what we came here for...the structural model of the psyche – id, ego, and superego according to Sigmund Freud.

The three main parts of our ego system consists of the Id, the superego, and the ego.

Id

      To me, this is the most greedy of all of our egos. This level of our ego is only concerned with pleasure to avoid the pain. It's our hedonistic part of our ego. You can find someone using this level by people who make fun of other people and find pure enjoyment by doing so. Sometimes, people make fun of other people because it gives them pleasure when in fact a lot of those times people who do this type of behavior are doing so to avoid their own pain. Also, in another sense we use this for sexual pleasure. According to Freud the Id has 2 major instincts. The “Eros: the life instinct that motivates people to focus on pleasure-seeking tendencies (e.g., sexual urges).” and the Thanatos: the death instinct that motivates people to use aggressive urges to destroy.” (Bannister, 2008). The next part of our ego system is the “Ego” itself.

Ego

      Your ego understands that behaviors have consequences. It also includes our rationalization of what we need to live socially among people. It gives us the perception, recognition, judgment and memory. Freud believed this process is developed during childhood. The primary principle of the ego is to balance the Id and the superego. “The Ego controls higher mental processes such as reasoning and problem-solving, which it uses to solve the Id-Super ego dilemma, creatively finding ways to safely satisfy the Id's basic urges within the constraints of the Super ego.” (Bannister, 2008)

Super ego

      Freud believed our superego was learned in our childhood from our parents. It is in this factor we are taught right from wrong. Our superego also holds our values and our beliefs which are contained in our conscious. “The Super ego is a counterbalance to the Id, and seeks to inhibit the Id's pleasure-seeking demands, particularly those for sex and aggression.”(Bannister, 2008). To sum it all up we can say “The id is the part of our mind we share with lower animals and is governed by the pleasure principle. The ego is the executive of the personality and is governed by the reality principle. The superego is the moral component of the personality and consists of the conscience and the ego ideal.” (Hergenhahn, B., & Olson, M., 2007 p. 56)

                                                                                                   Reference

Bannister, D. (2008, October). Freud's personality factors. Retrieved from http://changingminds.org/explanations/personality/freud_personality.htm

Hergenhahn, B., & Olson, M. (2007). An Introduction to Theories of Personality. (7th ed.). Upper Saddle River, NJ: Pearson Prentice Hall.


Until Next Time,
Much Love,
Nikki

Waiting Is The Hardest Part

Jack Oct 1996 - Nov 2010
R.I.P Mommy Loves You

Good News!! Petco.com published this story for their contest. Please vote for my story by following this link. Let's win this, and currently my story is Number 1 with the votes. Here's the Link:  
http://www.petco.com/content/story/brandylist.aspx?bvcategoryid=1-45   

 
      We all say losing a friend is one of the hardest things we go through in life. For a dog, I believe the same to be true. Dealing with the loss of someone special always takes time. The question is, "how much time does it take?". It's been almost three weeks since we lost Jack, my 14 year old America Eskimo, I raised him since he was 8 weeks old.

      There's not a day that goes by I don't think about him. I remember the day so clearly when I had to make the decision to put him down. His eating stopped, his "circle of life" became smaller and he didn't know where he was. He was deaf, and blind and was not happy. He was in constant disarray and his mind had given up on him. I'm only glad to know he wasn't in any pain.

      The sun was actually shinning. I took him for a 3 hour car ride and spoke with him while I was driving, reminding him of all the good times we shared, places we've lived, friends he's met and reminded him what he taught his brother will live on for generations to come. After my drive, I decided to pull over to our favorite park and I laid with him under the 4th tree Oak tree. He was motionless and didn't really know who I was. He never really liked it when I would touch his paws he'd always pull away. I laid with him caressing his hair behind his ears as the tears feel down my face. I knew the next trip was to the vets office. I cried so hard for hours that morning. I went to touch his paw and he pulled away and I asked in between my tears to "please let me touch your paws, just this once, please?" He then gave me his paw. I knew in my heart he too wanted to sleep, he wasn't breathing right...unsteady and almost barely. His eyes were empty looking but somehow I  know in my heart we had our final bonding moment. I asked God to give me the strength because I knew it was time for Jack to go be with his mother in heaven. I knew in my heart it was the right thing to do, to put him down so he could rest.

       Speaking of resting, the first night when I came home from the vet, I couldn't sleep as you could imagine. I feel asleep briefly as I woke in the middle of the night only to hear the paw steps of Jack dancing on the floor. It was a beautiful sound and it made me smile knowing he is happy. My puppy, Bennie (his brother) on the other hand is not happy now. Since, the day Jack didn't come home, Bennie had only eaten 3 bowls of food in 6 days. He's better now, but in the beginning he didn't want to eat, play or do anything but lay where Jack used to lay in the house. Since then, Bennie has been doing better but not 100% better. Every morning, he gets up at 6am with me, I feed him, we play, we go for walk and when we get home, he sits by the window...waiting for Jack to come home.

  It breaks my heart to tell him, Jack isn't coming home and that Jack is home with his own family. For the both of us, truth be known we are both waiting for Jack to return...and that's the hardest part.

Until Next Time,
Much Love,
Nikki

The Circle of Life

      As I sit here in my kitchen wearing my white Royal Caribbean Cruise bath robe, tears fall down my face. I have a candle lit, there's the sounds of classical music mixed with nature sounds playing in the background. I have a puppy named Bennie pictured left. Bennie is 3 years old and a really good boy. He's healthy, well balanced and very playful according to his vet and his trainer.

Bennie isn't the one I'm writing about.

I'm writing about his "brother" Jack (pictured left) Jack has been with me since he was born 14 years ago. 

      Being 14 years old in dog years is pretty old. That's how old Jack is. He always acted like he was 5 years old...until 3 weeks ago. Keep in mind, I've had jack for 14 years so within those years together; we've moved 6 times, lived in 6 different states (because of my job), we've driven together across the country twice, hes' met my boyfriends throughout the years, some he liked, some he didn't. He always had the best of everything, after all, he is like a son to me. I've never had children but he's been the closest there could be for me.

     A few weeks ago, I noticed his behavior changing and his motor skills slowing down. His appetite decreased and he didn't really drink too much water. Lately, he's been eating more and drinking a lot of water. But something else happened while his appetite increased his memory has decreased. He now paces the houses for 10 hours a day and just circles the parameter of the house..constantly. His brain no longer knows how to tell him to rest. Each day I have to put him in my bedroom and psychically lay him down as he doesn't know how to on his own anymore. 

     I lay with him until he falls asleep...which is where I just came from. It breaks my heart to know he is ailing. I took him to the vet and the vet said Jack is just getting old and he's not in any pain. The vet said Jack is senial now, but he knows who I am. Jack is also now blind and deaf.  I lay with him at night and it breaks my heart to know that his end is probably closer than I want to admit. He's been my best friend since the day I adopted him. He can sense how I feel, I know he can.  Tonight while I laid with him, I was crying, petting him and brushing my fingers through his hair behind his ears, to soothe him as his breathing isn't too steady now. He felt my tear drop on his nose as I laid there with him and I told him that I am here for him...and he knew it. He looked up at me as to say "I know mom...I know."

      Tomorrow he will continue to do his circle of life I call it. I call it this because that's all he knows right now, his own circle of life. He may not know where he's going or even if he's been there before but he's determined to keep going. There's a lot to be learned from all of this, no  matter what life deals you, whether you know what it's about or not..you must keep going...even if it is only in circles.

Until Next Time,
Much Love,
Nikki

The Front Porch of Our Lives

     Communication is the key to all relationships. How we communicate is a vehicle we use to get us to the next level in our relationships. So many times in our lives we become so busy it's easy to forget how important communication means to people. Sure, we text, we use instant messaging on Facebook, AOL, Yahoo!, MSN, Skype and so many other means of "being in touch" with people. If you really look at the conveniences we use today, you'll see how impersonal they really are between people. We have a tendency to use these outlets because it's easier. Is easier really the best way? I have to disagree with you if  you say "yes" to that question.

     I won't argue that these modes of communication don't come in handy, they do. What I'm seeing is, people are using these outlets as a substitute for being personally connected with their friends and families. I understand we don't always have time to pick up the phone and call someone, I get that. It's true it's fun to see what other people are up to even if we have never called them in the past. When we use the medium (like Facebook or Instant Messaging) in place of picking up the phone to call our friends and family, I think we have a real problem.  I like Facebook, don't get me wrong. I'm on Facebook 24/7. We see these threads on there with two people talking about the same topic and sometimes the discussion gets heated, so why not just pick up the phone and discuss it? Is it that we use this medium so other people can see what we're saying and we're hoping someone takes our side and validates what we think is right? Is it more important to be right in a relationship or have resolution? I'm going with resolution on this one.

     When we engage so much in this type of instant messaging behavior it's almost as if we are looking at life through the front porch of our lives. We see things from a distance, we see what other people feel, think, like, dislike, who is friends with whom, who did what, when and so forth. I think it's time we get off the porch and actually go over and visit our neighbor, or at least pick up the phone and call them to see how they're doing. Unless of course you're too busy...than maybe you can just log onto Facebook and if they're a friend of yours on there you can always get their status update to see how they're doing. Life is too short, get off the front porch of life, stop watching and start living. Reach out to the one's you love and pick up the phone. Call them, wouldn't it be nice to see a status update from your friend that says "Heard from an ole friend today, it was great to hear from you"? Instead of seeing an update from that that says something like "took the garbage out today, another rainy day, guess I'll stay indoors today"

Your front porch can wait, your friends and family can't.
 
Until Next Time,
Much Love,
Nikki

A Million Hits in .02 Seconds

      I'm not really sure what the actual "Laws of Attraction" means. I'm not going to bother to Google it or Bing it or anything it.Who needs a million hits in .02 seconds?

     I'll be the first to admit I Google and Bing everything. When I say everything, I mean "everything". Just today I Googled "why does my dog pace the floor all day?" I won't bore you with the million hits that only took .02 seconds to retrieve from Google but I will tell you what happened when I hit the enter key after I asked the question to Google. I looked at the screen and I said to myself "I really Googled that?" Sure enough, I "really" did.

     Back in the day, our parents didn't have Google or Bing to use, they used their common sense, yet today we use a place in space created by someone we don't know, never met, and haven't questioned their ability to give true accurate meaning. Interesting, to think we trust sources we can't validate ourselves. If more and more sources copy each other off the internet we're going to find the same answers to the same questions which will validate the meaning to the certain subject we're researching. So does that make our findings valid? Who am I to question? I question everything which is why I send my questions to Google. It's nice to know I can get a million answers in .02 seconds. I've been asking questions all my life and never seem to get an answer. Maybe I should Google "why don't I ever get answers to my questions?" I'm sure the answers will be quite attractive.


Until Next Time,
Much Love,
Nikki
The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes
O Holy Night (CD/DVD)
The 7th Victim

Why I am Going To Boycott Music Artists

In a recent story published by allaccess.com today.

THE NATIONAL ASSOCIATION OF BROADCASTERS RADIO BOARD OF DIRECTORS has voted in favor of presenting musicFIRST representatives a legislative "Term Sheet" designed to resolve the longstanding performance fee issue. The Radio Board conditioned their support for today's Term Sheet on the understanding that all provisions would remain part of any legislative package. TODAY's vote is subject to ratification by the NAB JOINT BOARD OF DIRECTORS, which will meet TUESDAY afternoon.

"NAB remains 100% opposed to performance fee legislation pending in Congress," said NAB Radio Board Chair CAROLINE BEASLEY, CFO of FLORIDA-based BEASLEY BROADCAST GROUP. "However, in a good faith effort to resolve this issue in the best interests of both radio and the music industry, we have endorsed a solution ensuring that broadcasters have a foothold in digital platforms of tomorrow."

The Term Sheet represents a path forward for radio broadcasters and musicFirst to resolve this contentious issue in a manner that is fair and equitable to both sides.

"Today's endorsement includes provisions that are essential to the future of free and local radio, and we're hopeful that the musicFIRST Coalition finds it in their best interest to say 'yes' to this proposal," BEASLEY said.

Under language included in the Term Sheet, music-playing terrestrial radio stations would agree to pay a limited performance fee, which would be set at between 0.25% and one percent of a station's net revenue, depending on a provision related to the penetration of radio-activated mobile phones in the U.S. Today's endorsement from the NAB Radio Board was made with the understanding that any legislative resolution supported by NAB must include the following:

-- Permanent removal of the Copyright Royalty Board from rate-setting of transmissions of terrestrial on-air music or Internet streaming;

-- Resolution of the "AFTRA issue" outside of the legislative process by the musicFIRST coalition that would facilitate simulcast of over-the-air radio commercials on the Internet;

-- musicFIRST's acknowledgment and recognition of the unparalleled promotional value of terrestrial radio airplay;

-- Simplified airplay reporting requirements similar to the model used by ASCAP/BMI;

-- Congressionally-mandated radio-activated chips in mobile devices such as cell phones and BLACKBERRY smartphones, with an acceptable phase-in period and inclusion of HD Radio chips when economically feasible. If a legislative mandate (which musicFirst has agreed to support) becomes initially unattainable, radio broadcasters would agree to an initial performance fee payment of .25% of net industry revenue. Under this scenario, the performance fee would mirror the actual percentage of radio-activated mobile phones in the United States. Once market penetration of radio-activated mobile devices reaches and maintains a level of 75 percent of all mobile devices, broadcasters agree to pay the full one percent terrestrial transmission performance fee.

-- Assuming a successful mandate of radio-activated chips in mobile devices, streaming rates that broadcasters pay for simulcasts, webcasts and other non-terrestrial transmissions of music through 2016 would be reduced. In the event that a legislative mandate for radio chips in mobile devices is not achieved, the streaming rate reduction would not take effect until 50 percent of mobile phones have radio chips;

The Term Sheet provides accommodations for small radio station operators, noncommercial stations, religious broadcasters and incidental uses of music by news/talk and sports stations.

The Term Sheet also envisions that both the radio and music industry will work cooperatively to offer consumers more and better ways to listen to music.

The Radio Board's action is a culmination of more than a year of discussions and dialogue between radio executives, the NAB and its membership, musicFIRST, and key leaders in Congress. It comes after more than 260 members of the U.S. House of Representatives and 27 members of the U.S. Senate expressed bipartisan opposition to pending Performance Rights Act legislation that was passed out of two committees in Congress last year.

"From a position of strength, we have fashioned a Term Sheet for resolving the performance fee issue that in the long run is acceptable for radio," said NAB Joint Board Chairman STEVE NEWBERRY, President and CEO of KENTUCKY-based COMMONWEALTH BROADCASTING. "No broadcaster that I know relishes paying a new fee, but the terms of this agreement provide badly needed certainty for our business to move forward, and the positives of this accord far out-weigh the negatives."

NAB President and CEO GORDON SMITH said the Term Sheet "represents a path forward for radio broadcasters and musicFirst to resolve this contentious issue in a manner that is fair and equitable to both sides. Radio stations, artists and the record labels have more commonalities than differences, and adoption of legislation that reflects this Term Sheet will provide a framework for untold new revenue opportunities for both sides. We look forward to working with musicFIRST and its allies for swift legislative adoption of this entire package of initiatives that will help our businesses flourish in the digital age."

Get the rest of the story here:
Terms To Be Presented To musicFIRST Coalition | NAB RADIO BOARD News | AllAccess.com

Until Next Time,
Much Love,
Nikki

PS. Follow me on Facebook to see the comments!

Turn The Stereotyping Off!

There is so much in the current news about stereotyping and the damage it creates to those who practice the art of stereotyping. I call it an "Art" because it's not politically correct to stereotype, so instead we justify it by saying "it's just my opinion". As in the stories below, you can see these comments are by people in the middle who get paid to give their "opinions".

      Keep in mind, these people are in the mass media circut who have the power to influence many at the same time. Last week on the show "The View" the hosts had Bill O'Reilly on as a guest. They were all talking about the mosque being built at Ground Zero in New York City. Some of the hosts felt it's matter of a "right" to build it there and the other hosts felt like it was inappropriate to have it built it there. Bill O'Reilly came on the show as a guest to voice his opinion on the matter and his "stereotypical" comment about the Muslims caused two of the hosts to walk of the show in the middle of a live taping. You can see the video here:  The View with Bill O'Reilly  . Bill O'Reilly goes on to say it was "The Muslims" who killed us on 9/11" So in other words he stereotyped all Muslims as terrorists. I'm sure if you ask him, his comment will be "it's just my opinion" like he says in the video. You can see the discussion on what Bill O'Reilly  said here: Joy Baher Show Addresses Bill O'Reilly

      Speaking of Muslims, there is a story in the NPR news today about terminating the contract of a longtime news analyst Juan Williams. They terminated his contract based on his remarks he made about Muslims on the Fox News Channel with Bill O'Reilly. This is what he said on the O'Reilly Factor to Bill O'Reilly.

                       "Look, Bill, I'm not a bigot. You know the kind of books I've written about the civil rights movement in this

                        country. But when I get on the plane, I got to tell you, if I see people who are in Muslim garb and I think, you

                        know, they are identifying themselves first and foremost as Muslims, I get worried. I get nervous."

                       (Folkenflik, 2010).

     My question is, whatever happened to fair reporting as journalists?

     Now, we have even more news about stereotyping in this country.  How about the military's plan on what they plan on doing to allow Gay's in the military? How stereotypical can you get? As a member of the Air Force, let me tell you; I know a lot of gay people in the military and not once has their sexual preference hindered their ability to perform their duties in the military. Many of the "gay people" in the military were better workers than the "Straight " members. "Pentagon officials told NBC News on Thursday the military will immediately resume enforcement of the 1993 "don't ask, don't tell" rule. The policy says gay's may serve but only if they keep secret their sexual orientation"(NBC, 2010) . Personally, I find it ironic that the same freedom our military members fight for is the same freedom being taken away from them.

     Basically, we can see just by these three examples alone how detrimental this is to someone. It can end jobs at it did with the NPR correspondent, it can create frustrations as it did in the show "The View" and it can also alienate people like the story about the "gay's" in the military. Sad to think we live a world where people have nothing better to do then to pass judgment on others. In some cases, it takes an act of congress literally to prove you're just as valuable as some one who is different than you.



Until Next Time,
Much Love,
Nikki
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Who Are You Anyway

     Some of you may not like what I'm about to write but I feel compelled to write about it. So, just bare with me and keep an open mind. Ya know, I read the Bible and I research things in it and I re-read it and I try to make sense out of it. It actually DOES make sense. I was talking with a friend earlier today and she was telling about a friend she has who gets plastic surgery done. Her friend has no medical conditions, nothing that needed cosmetic repair; her friend just does it to "look better". I looked in the Bible and nowhere did it say Eve went and had plastic surgery to make herself look better. Nowhere does it state that we as humans need to engage in such a horrific act.

     Seriously, is it that you are so insecure of yourself you feel compelled to go under the knife? Or even get a needle stuck in your forehead a couple of times to make yourself look better? I don't understand why people do this to themselves. If it is because you need it for cosmetic reasons (because you became disfigured from an accident or etc...) I get that and I understand that. But, when you are perfectly healthy and you're aging and you want to look younger..WHY? What is it about growing older you're afraid of? Have you not researched what extensive cosmetic surgery can do to you? Why are you afraid to look at yourself in the mirror each day and face the real YOU?

     I have never had plastic surgery done and I pray I will never need it because of circumstances beyond my control. You know in the Bible it says our body is a Temple. God, did not say to make it better under false pretenses. My friends, friend has had a nose job, a boob job, botox and who knows what else is diminishing her own Temple created by God. All I'm saying is; be happy who you are, from the inside out. How can you be happy with your outsides if it something you did not create? The botox is POISON and yet you feel the need to inject it into your forehead? And... you choose to manipulate the work of God?

If God were to come see you today...would he recognize you...or would he ask "Who Are You Anyway?"



Until Next Time,
Much Love,
Nikki

I Think I Know You - You're ME!

A lot of times, I get emails from readers asking for advice on certain things going on in their lives. I enjoy all the emails I get so thanks for sending them! Recently, I received an email from a lady named "Diane". I'll call her "Diane" for the sake of my blog and her story. This was her email to me:

Sept 6, 2010

Dear Nikki,

You don't know me, but I think I know who you are...you're ME! I read your blog every day and when I read it, I feel like you're living MY life. You write about things that seem to happen in my life. I don't know how you do it, but I feel like you're talking right to me. Don't get me wrong, I'm not a stalker (lol) but I really love reading your blogs. You are very insightful and you speak from your heart, something that is not easy for me to do. I have a question for you and you can feel free to post my question in your blog, maybe someone else is or has gone through what I have been going through. I need your help Nikki.

I'm 47 years old, a mother of 4 and I'm married to a man I really no longer find no enjoyment to be with. For the past 5 or 6 years, I've been depressed. Although I haven't been diagnosed with depression, I feel depressed all the time. You always seem to be upbeat and right on. My question is: how do you stay so upbeat and not let life get you down? How do you cope with things when you're depressed?

Thanks for your time,
advent Nikki Landry fan.

What a great email from "Diane". I was pleased to know that she offered her email to be published because depression is a very hard thing to go through life with. There's a difference between being sad and being depressed. Depression not only affects your mind, spirit and soul but it also affects your health. It's important to seek medical help with depression. I'm not sure of the severity of her depression but she mentions it's been for years. I would suggest Diane seek medical help. I would ask her to see a Psychologist for help. Many times people think seeing a Psychologist (or Shrinks for the slang term) is a bad thing to do. My question is Why? It's actually the "In" thing to do. Ask any celebrity they all have shrinks. I even have one. Who cares if I have to pay someone to listen to my problems and help me through them? At least SOMEONE is listening to me, and someone who can show me how to get better at being the person I was meant to be.

Diane also asked how do I stay so upbeat all the time? Well, keep in mind I'm an entertainer so part of my job is be "upbeat" and entertaining. When I re-focus my energy onto things that are good; I get happy. When I take my mind off of "me" I feel better. So, if you're having a hard time being happy, then take your mind off yourself, go do something NICE for someone else. Have you ever wondered when you go to the doctor because you're sick you almost always feel better as soon as you walk into the hospital? Why? because you're mind is on something else other than YOU. So, go get happy, do something for someone else for a change. Stop thinking only about yourself, go volunteer somewhere...trust me there are people out there who could use your help.

Thanks to Diane for her email. If you'd like to email me with a question please do so in the leave a comment box. All comments come to my personal email before they get approved to be shown in the comments box.

 
Until Next Time,
Much Love,
Nikki

"About Face"- If Tomorrow Never Comes...Then What?

September 1, 2010

The title of this blog is often used as a military preparatory command. For my blog purpose I'll use it in a different way. When was the last time you looked at someones face? I mean really looked at them to see what they are feeling inside. Many times we "look" at people and that's all we do, we just "look". Have you ever taken out the time to just look at someone and wonder "are they happy, are they sad, did they have a bad day, are they hurting, are they confused, do they feel pain," Not too many people will show how they feel on the outside. A lot of people are very good at hiding their emotions. Everything looks great to other people who look at them, when in fact...they could really use a friend.

I have a girlfriend who is an expert on hiding her feelings when I look at her. To look at her, you'd think her life was just so perfect. She wears the nicest clothes, her make up is southern perfect, she smells very nice, she walks with pride, and she drives an expensive car. Sure all these things are material things, but that's what she's about. On the outside, she always has to look like she's the best at everything she does. I never asked her any of this because, well, frankly I can see right through her, so why bring it up? I know that a few years ago her husband cheated on her and yet, to this day she doesn't talk about it. It's almost as if nothing happened. I asked her why she never talks about it and she said with a smile of course..."I know I'm the best thing he has, so what he did was a mistake, and I've moved on from it, he'll never be able to find someone to replace me." That's what she told me...with confidence.

Two weeks ago, he left her. She called me and she was crying, and I wanted so much to look at her face to see if she really believed what just happened to her. I asked her why he left her and she said she didn't know. Then I asked her why did he tell you he left you? Then, there was silence on the phone. "Abbey?" I asked. "Are you there?" She whispers in tears to me, "yeah, I'm here". I said "What's the matter, why are you crying?" She begins to tell me her story.

"Nikki, you just don't understand, even if I told you, you wouldn't understand." I said "Try me." So, she begins her story. "Dean told me the reason why he left me was because I showed no emotion and when I did it was usually bitter." She continues "Am I bitter person, Nikki?" I answer her "Are you?" she replies "I don't think so, but Dean seems to think so." I ask "What have you done nice for him lately?" She 'laughs a little in between tears, "What haven't I done nice for him? I clean the house, I cook, I do the laundry, I work, I make sure the dogs are fed, I even walk the dogs when he can't, I'm always doing something for him and it seems like I never do anything for me. I always put him first..always. How does that make me without emotion, Nikki?"

"Abbey, that sounds all very nice and well, really it does. My question to you Abbey is When was the last time you told Dean you appreciated him, or that by having him in your life means everything to you?" Again, I heard silence on the other end and then Abbey chimes in. "He knows that stuff, I married him for crying out loud. He knows I love him and I appreciate him." I interrupt her "Really?, he does?" Do you appreciate me as a friend Abbey? I ask her. "Of course I do Nikki, you're my best friend." I get silent for a moment and I could hear it in her silence, she realized she never told me she appreciated me as a friend. I tell her, "well..you've never told me that you do, and when I tell you I appreciate you as a friend you just say thank you." She replies with tears in her eyes "I'm so sorry...I DO appreciate you." Then I whisper to her..."Thank you, now go tell Dean that you appreciate HIM too, and look at his face, see that he's hurting and let him look at yours and let him see you are hurting...it's what you're feeling. Let him feel your hurt, and you feel his. Together you will bond, it's very easy Abbey...it's About Face."

When you love someone, let them know. Today is all we have and tomorrow is a gift. Here is a video that I included to give you a reminder of the importance of communication.

If tomorrow never comes...then what?


Until Next Time,
Much Love,
Nikki

Evolving

Even though I am no longer employed, I feel at peace with myself. So many changes happening in my life now. Sometimes, people do not welcome change. This always seemed to amaze me. If we did not welcome change, we wouldn't be where we are today in life. You couldn't not have gotten where you are today without change...it's called "evolving". I'm about to enter another phase of my life, one of those changes include a move. It looks like I will be taking a job out of state. Although, scary and uncertain, I welcome the change. I'll be "evolving". To me, if you're not evolving, you're not growing. I'm not saying you have to move like to me to evolve, but you must grow and make yourself better.

I have a friend who's married and she and her husband both are thinking about seeing a counselor to save their marriage. After talking with both of them come to find out, basically what they're missing is trust and communication. So, "if I can't trust you, I can't communicate with you". I admire people who go to counseling, it shows you care, that you care about the other person and most importantly you care about saving your marriage. I think it's one of the best things you can do to save your marriage. My girlfriend tells me she doesn't want to see the therapist. She said they can't tell her anything she doesn't already know about herself. You mean to tell me someone with a PhD who is specifically trained in counseling can not help YOU? That YOU know better? That they won't tell YOU anything about yourself YOU don't already know? Really? Then why is your marriage in trouble? Even if you think it's the other persons problem and not your own, how you handle that person and situation....becomes YOUR problem. I suggested a therapist to her.

After we hung up, the other day I got to thinking about how selfish she is. I remember her telling me how much she loved her husband in the beginning. How great they got along, and when they had a child well...then life was perfect! Now, she doesn't trust him. I have to ask... is it you don't trust his intentions with someone else, or that you don't trust he'll be with you to the end. Is it, you don't trust him because you think he'll leave YOU "a lone" and with nothing? Even though he may find happiness elsewhere? If you love someone, you want them to be happy...even if it means not with YOU.

If you can provide happiness together, great then stay together...FIND THAT HAPPINESS TOGETHER. If you can not do it together, then for the love if Eve, let them be happy elsewhere and YOU be happy.

Once you do either one of these...then you will be "Evolving". It's time to Move On. Watch this video and think about what I wrote. Find your happiness...evolve.




Until Next Time,
Much Love,
Nikki

When You No Longer Belong

www.nikkilandryproductions.com

There comes a time in our lives where we wear out our welcome. We can wear out our welcome in love, marriage, relationships, and even jobs. Today I wore out my welcome at my job. I'm no longer with CBS and now I have launched my own company that I have been working on for the past few months. I'm excited to say it goes into production tomorrow. So, when you wear out your welcome, find a new avenue to go down and make new friends. Create your own dreams and live those dreams...even if they only last for a day. Sometimes, that ONE day can lead to a lifetime.

Enjoy the ride!
Until Next Time,
Much Love,
Nikki

What are YOU Willing To Do To Be Happy?

There comes a time in our lives where we have to stop keeping score. When you're in love or a marriage (and yes, I've had both) you have to stop keeping score. We all have fights, we all love, we all hate, we all mistrust and yes, sometimes we cheat. I'm in my Psychology class for my Master's Degree and I'm learning a lot. One day I'm going to open my own practice and help couples who suffer from the inabaility to get along. Is divorce you're only means to an end? No. Can it be? Sure. The first thing you have to stop doing is keeping score. Ask yourself, "is it more important for me to be right or to find resolution?" Be honest with yourself.

There was a time in my life when I dated a man for 6 years who had 3 kids who lived with us. I was mom at the age of 25 with 3 kids, a beautiful home and great job and a man I thought I loved. I say "thought" I loved because truth be known, I didn't love him as much as I thought. I think what I loved was the "idea" of him. The idea of having a perfect family was great for me, since I didn't have that growing up I was bound to find it with someone and that someone I thought was him. Later on in the relationship things started changing for us. I felt guilt, (that I wasn't good enough for him), I felt remorse (that I was a glorified babysitter for him and his kids) and I also felt mistrust. The reason I felt mistrust was becuase I WANTED to feel that. I wanted to find a way to leave him so I was looking for a reason. If I could not trust him than that would validate my feelings to leave. I had no one else to blame but HIM.

I'd mentally keep score on our fights who won what, who lost which one and then I stopped keeping score and I found myself finding me again. I focused on what made ME happy, and no this wasn't selfish, this was survival. I've survived, he's survived, the kids all survived and everyone lives happily ever after. Happiness is what we make of it, what we bring other people, what we bring oursleves. Life is too short NOT to be happy, seriously..can you honestly say if you were on your death bead today "I lived a happy fulfilling life?" Not too many people can and I venture to bet you can't either or else you'd be out doing something that makes you happy instead of reading what I'm writing about. I only write for two reasons, one to make you happy (because you enjoy them) and two for me, (because it gives me a sense of release).

What are YOU willing to do to be Happy?
Until Next Time,
Much Love,
Nikki

When Change Doesn't Change

We've all heard it before in our relationships "I'll change" or "Give me a chance to change" or even "I'll prove it to you I've changed, just give me a chance." This always amazes me when I hear about couples who have a significant other that say things like this to them. Or, even when they themselves tell me they'll change for their partner. My answer is usually "Really?" IS it fair to expect your partner to change for you? I don't believe so. There are things we can modify like our lack of ability to take out the garbage. When it comes right down to who we are as a person, I don't believe it's a good idea we "change".

Why would we "change" anyway? Sure, we can grow and we can learn from our mistakes. That's part of growing up. But what is not part of growing up is having to prove yourself to your mate that you're a changed person. Why would I want the person I love to change? To me that makes no sense. If you have to change to be with me, then I don't want to be with you and visa versa.

People grow in different directions in life, some forward, some backwards and some ... well, they think they're growing but really they're not. They may "think" they're growing because something they've done shows maturity but within their hearts they are neutral. To me, that's not growing that's waiting until something else comes along to enlighten you.

I tried to change not too long ago. Although, I welcomed the change I now know it was temporary. Too bad too, because the person I was becoming was the same person I always wanted to be. Now, the change and the growing I'm doing is something I had a true benchmark for -- once ...but only once.

So, when change doesn't really change you need to ask yourself, "Why, would I want the other person to change?" If I don't love then for who they are wholeheartedly, then I shouldn't be with this person. That in itself lies the change.

Until Next Time,

Nikki
7/02/10

PS. feel free to leave me a comment as comments do not get posted automatically unless I approve them. Please let me know in your response if it's okay to post your reply.

Wanna Chance?

June 30, 2010

I have a list of topics I want to discuss in my Blog. I'm not sure which one I want to start with so, Here's YOUR chance to tell ME what you'd like me to write about.

"Being Friends After The Breakup" -- Can you? Should you? Will you? Will he? Upside -- great bond formed -- Downside -- get him/her outta my life


"Exploring Mutual Interests -- Beyond The Bedroom" -- sex is important -- but you don't stay in the bed all day -- ok somedays you do. But what bonds you besides sex?

"Boundaries -- Setting Them Up So That They Work" -- Never ask your mate to do something, or don't do something you won't do yourself.

"What Turned Me On At First, Now Turns Me Off" -- the things that first attract us to the other person off become the biggest source of irritation ... how do I deal with this?

"I Hate His Ex -- But He/She Likes Me" -- have fun with this!

"The In-Laws Are From Hell"
"His/Her Kids Are Awesome -- Some Of The Time" -- Who hands out discipline? Will they pay attention?

"Sick Of Being Fifth Behind Work, Hobbies, Friends, Sports" -- WOW, whatta field day!

Can love happen in only a short amount time of knowing someone?

My mental bank account.

Okay, there is a list. Pick one and I'll write about it. I'll get an email sent to my personal email address if you respond. Please know responses do not get posted automatically until I approve them.  See blog about "I'm Moving" under the June 2010 edition.

Until Next Time,
Nikki

On With Regis And Kelly Live

Here is my shot to be on national TV again. I really want this opportunity too! But I need your vote! Regis and Kelly are kicking off a contest for Women In Radio to co-host a show with regis. Can I PLEASE get your nomination? Please??? Go here to this link and find out more. THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!!

You'll need my information to nominate me. If they ask for a picture (which they may) Please feel free to use the one inthis blog.

So, here is the information you'll need to nominate me. Also, you can nominate me once a day!!

Name: Nikki Landry
Station Call Letters: WIAD
City: Washington, DC
Station website: www.947freshfm.com

Then it will ask why would you like to nominate me, please be kind and awesome!!! I want to win this!

Here's the website: http://bventertainment.go.com/tv/buenavista/regisandkelly
/contests/cohostsearch10/index.html


Hurry, Voting ends by July 16th 2010.
Thank you so much.

Until Next Time,
Much Love,
Nikki
June 22, 2010

Life ain't always beautiful

Life ain't always beautiful,Sometimes it's just plain hard Life can knock you down, it can break your heart Life ain't always beautiful
You think you're on your way And it's just a dead end road at the end of the day But the struggles makes you stronger And the changes make you wise
And happiness has its own way of takin' it sweet time

No,life aint always beautiful Tears will fall sometimes Life aint always beautiful But it's a beautiful ride Life aint always beautiful Some days I miss your smile I get tired of walkin' all these lonely miles And I wish for just one minute I could see your pretty face Guess I can dream, but life don't work that way But the struggles makes me stronger And the changes make me wise And happiness has its own way of takin' its sweet time
No, life ain't always beautiful But I know I'll be fine
Hey, life ain't always beautiful But its a beautiful ride
What a beautiful ride

GA