Saturday, August 28, 2010

Evolving

Even though I am no longer employed, I feel at peace with myself. So many changes happening in my life now. Sometimes, people do not welcome change. This always seemed to amaze me. If we did not welcome change, we wouldn't be where we are today in life. You couldn't not have gotten where you are today without change...it's called "evolving". I'm about to enter another phase of my life, one of those changes include a move. It looks like I will be taking a job out of state. Although, scary and uncertain, I welcome the change. I'll be "evolving". To me, if you're not evolving, you're not growing. I'm not saying you have to move like to me to evolve, but you must grow and make yourself better.

I have a friend who's married and she and her husband both are thinking about seeing a counselor to save their marriage. After talking with both of them come to find out, basically what they're missing is trust and communication. So, "if I can't trust you, I can't communicate with you". I admire people who go to counseling, it shows you care, that you care about the other person and most importantly you care about saving your marriage. I think it's one of the best things you can do to save your marriage. My girlfriend tells me she doesn't want to see the therapist. She said they can't tell her anything she doesn't already know about herself. You mean to tell me someone with a PhD who is specifically trained in counseling can not help YOU? That YOU know better? That they won't tell YOU anything about yourself YOU don't already know? Really? Then why is your marriage in trouble? Even if you think it's the other persons problem and not your own, how you handle that person and situation....becomes YOUR problem. I suggested a therapist to her.

After we hung up, the other day I got to thinking about how selfish she is. I remember her telling me how much she loved her husband in the beginning. How great they got along, and when they had a child well...then life was perfect! Now, she doesn't trust him. I have to ask... is it you don't trust his intentions with someone else, or that you don't trust he'll be with you to the end. Is it, you don't trust him because you think he'll leave YOU "a lone" and with nothing? Even though he may find happiness elsewhere? If you love someone, you want them to be happy...even if it means not with YOU.

If you can provide happiness together, great then stay together...FIND THAT HAPPINESS TOGETHER. If you can not do it together, then for the love if Eve, let them be happy elsewhere and YOU be happy.

Once you do either one of these...then you will be "Evolving". It's time to Move On. Watch this video and think about what I wrote. Find your happiness...evolve.




Until Next Time,
Much Love,
Nikki

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

When You No Longer Belong

www.nikkilandryproductions.com
There comes a time in our lives where we wear out our welcome. We can wear out our welcome in love, marriage, relationships, and even jobs. Today I wore out my welcome at my job. I'm no longer with CBS and now I have launched my own company that I have been working on for the past few months. I'm excited to say it goes into production tomorrow. So, when you wear out your welcome, find a new avenue to go down and make new friends. Create your own dreams and live those dreams...even if they only last for a day. Sometimes, that ONE day can lead to a lifetime.

Enjoy the ride!
Until Next Time,
Much Love,
Nikki

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

What are YOU Willing To Do To Be Happy?

There comes a time in our lives where we have to stop keeping score. When you're in love or a marriage (and yes, I've had both) you have to stop keeping score. We all have fights, we all love, we all hate, we all mistrust and yes, sometimes we cheat. I'm in my Psychology class for my Master's Degree and I'm learning a lot. One day I'm going to open my own practice and help couples who suffer from the inabaility to get along. Is divorce you're only means to an end? No. Can it be? Sure. The first thing you have to stop doing is keeping score. Ask yourself, "is it more important for me to be right or to find resolution?" Be honest with yourself.

There was a time in my life when I dated a man for 6 years who had 3 kids who lived with us. I was mom at the age of 25 with 3 kids, a beautiful home and great job and a man I thought I loved. I say "thought" I loved because truth be known, I didn't love him as much as I thought. I think what I loved was the "idea" of him. The idea of having a perfect family was great for me, since I didn't have that growing up I was bound to find it with someone and that someone I thought was him. Later on in the relationship things started changing for us. I felt guilt, (that I wasn't good enough for him), I felt remorse (that I was a glorified babysitter for him and his kids) and I also felt mistrust. The reason I felt mistrust was becuase I WANTED to feel that. I wanted to find a way to leave him so I was looking for a reason. If I could not trust him than that would validate my feelings to leave. I had no one else to blame but HIM.

I'd mentally keep score on our fights who won what, who lost which one and then I stopped keeping score and I found myself finding me again. I focused on what made ME happy, and no this wasn't selfish, this was survival. I've survived, he's survived, the kids all survived and everyone lives happily ever after. Happiness is what we make of it, what we bring other people, what we bring oursleves. Life is too short NOT to be happy, seriously..can you honestly say if you were on your death bead today "I lived a happy fulfilling life?" Not too many people can and I venture to bet you can't either or else you'd be out doing something that makes you happy instead of reading what I'm writing about. I only write for two reasons, one to make you happy (because you enjoy them) and two for me, (because it gives me a sense of release).

What are YOU willing to do to be Happy?
Until Next Time,
Much Love,
Nikki

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