The I.O.U's and R.O.I's of A Relationship

      For the life of me I couldn't understand why it's been so hard to let go of my recent break up. What was it or IS it that just keeps me holding on? Why couldn't I just let it go like I did my past relationships? What was so different about THIS one from the others? We weren't together that long, 6 months maybe and the last 3 probably is when it all started to end...but I kept holding on.

      As I was driving tonight I thought deeply and honestly about my current feelings, the feelings I felt in the past for him and my feelings going forward for him. One thing occured to me with my thoughts. There was a pattern of my thoughts. I'm not going to sit here and tell you the relationship was amazing, because it wasn't. I THOUGHT it was amazing because of the nice times we had together, but they were few and far in between. When the not so happy times happened  in the relationship I was looking for him to repay his emotional debt to me. The feelings I was feeling in the relationship were mostly alone and bewildered. But I kept holding on.

      Why? When things went well, I felt like I wanted to repay him emotionally. When things went badly, I felt he had to repay me emotionally. Neither of which ever happened. My emotional bank account was more in the negative than the positive. I continued the relationship thinking he "owed" me since I put with a lot of stuff. Keep in mind this was not a conscious thought process I had. I didn't know this was what I was doing until I looked back on the relationship and realized it.

     Towards the end of the relationship when he wanted to break things off with me, my ego was hurt. In my mind, I was saying "how can you leave me, you still owe me". When we continue to hold on to something it's usually because we feel the other person owes us something and they haven't finished paying their debt to us. This is exactly what happened to me. Then, I realized, it just hit me while I was driving. The only thing he ever had to do was let me go and he did just that. That was his only debt he ever need to repay...and he did just that.

Realizing all of this has enabled my emotional bank account to become somewhat balanced. At least now I know why I was holding on. It had nothing to do with him. 


Until Next Time,
Much Love,
Nikki

The Here and Now of Yesterday, Today and Tomorrow

      Thoughts of yesterday trace my mind. Thoughts of tomorrow inspire me and thoughts of "now" leave me in question. If what people say is true, that we should live in the here and now because that's all we have, then why do we plan for the future? Why not just live life at the present moment?

What fun would that be?

      There has to come a time in our lives and I'm sure there are many, which we look back on the past. We look forward to the future, and yet enjoying the present seems to be somewhat of a checkmate. I'm sitting here in my present moment and being slammed by emails and text messages from friends and co workers. I'm choosing not to answer them at the present moment.

      Today was my day to reflect on the past. The cold hard truth about the past. What I've learned along the way. I sent myself an email that was probably the most honest email I have ever sent to myself. If you don't send yourself emails about your feelings, you should. It's a good way to journal and get your thoughts out in the open for only you to see. I won't go into detail of course about my email, but I will tell you what I wrote was as honest as it gets. I wrote a list of things I liked about my ex and a list of things I didn't like about my ex.

      My list continued with the same list about myself. I wrote an honest to good list about things I like about myself and things I wish I could change about myself. These lists helped me see on paper what was missing and what I longed for again in a mate. I guess I had forgotten those things I missed and forgotten about the things I don't want again. So when someone tells us to live in the here and now, I have to question..what exactly is the "Here and Now" if all we do is reminisce or plan for the future?

IS it possible to just "be still"?


Until Next Time,
Much Love,
Nikki

Ctrl, Alt, Del

So, you're sitting there searching the Internet how to get over your ex? Seriously, do NOT do this. There comes a time where you have to reset yourself. When it comes to break ups, you MUST reset yourself.

I'm not going to tell you how to get over your ex, what I DO want to tell you is how to get over YOURSELF. We spend so much time with ourselves alone that we miss out on giving other people the benefit of our presence. Remember when your ex admired your presence? Well, there are others who would love to be in your presence. Make your presence known, and let them enjoy yours.

The hardest part about a break up is, it seems like the shitty feelings you had towards that person seem to go away and you start thinking about the good times together. WHY? Because as women our hearts are forgiving. This time, when you feel vulnerable and want to contact your ex, do yourself a favor and DON'T. You have to get rid of the memories, good and bad. Refocus your thoughts on things that make you happy. I know, it's hard to do because we're so used to feeling miserable about the break up that we feel comfortable feeling miserable. Remember, misery loves company...and it's time to get new friends...happiness.

Don't go looking at their Facebook posts, DO block them from your page. Don't keep looking at your phone to see if they texted you, THEY WON'T, don't call them to see if they answer their phone, because it DOESN'T matter anymore. For God's sake stop trolling their Facebook friends to see what posts they commented on or "Liked", again who cares?  If they are your ex, they need to stay your ex. Any little sign of them being interactive with someone else will only leave you feeling miserable.Remember, misery loves company?  Stop letting yourself feel miserable!

Do you honestly, think you were put  on this planet to feel miserable? I know I wasn't. We are meant to be happy...so go be happy. Do whatever you need to do to be happy. Remember, revenge is not being happy, never try to get revenge on an ex, why give them the satisfaction you still care? Because do you really care about someone who hurt you? Think about that. Also, stop calling psychics, to see if you're going to get back together. Stop looking for "signs" that it's meant to be. The only reason we see "Signs" is because they are on our minds. THAT'S IT! It has nothing to do with what is meant to be. If it was meant to be, you'd still be together.

Start building a relationship with yourself. Enjoy the person you were before the breakup. If you didn't like yourself before your break up, than this is YOUR time to finally try new things and get out there. Your ex has already moved on, why shouldn't you? By moving on, I mean, not finding someone right away, find YOURSELF first. Love will come at the right time for you, it always does. The same way it found you when you first started dating your ex, it will find you again. Let your ex be your ex and let YOURSELF be YOU. There's only one YOU but there are many ex's.

I hope when you read this, it gave you some insight and some thought. Whether you agree with me or not, just know...you are NOT alone.


Until Next Time,
Much Love,
Nikki