June 30, 2010
I have a list of topics I want to discuss in my Blog. I'm not sure which one I want to start with so, Here's YOUR chance to tell ME what you'd like me to write about.
"Being Friends After The Breakup" -- Can you? Should you? Will you? Will he? Upside -- great bond formed -- Downside -- get him/her outta my life
"Exploring Mutual Interests -- Beyond The Bedroom" -- sex is important -- but you don't stay in the bed all day -- ok somedays you do. But what bonds you besides sex?
"Boundaries -- Setting Them Up So That They Work" -- Never ask your mate to do something, or don't do something you won't do yourself.
"What Turned Me On At First, Now Turns Me Off" -- the things that first attract us to the other person off become the biggest source of irritation ... how do I deal with this?
"I Hate His Ex -- But He/She Likes Me" -- have fun with this!
"The In-Laws Are From Hell"
"His/Her Kids Are Awesome -- Some Of The Time" -- Who hands out discipline? Will they pay attention?
"Sick Of Being Fifth Behind Work, Hobbies, Friends, Sports" -- WOW, whatta field day!
Can love happen in only a short amount time of knowing someone?
My mental bank account.
Okay, there is a list. Pick one and I'll write about it. I'll get an email sent to my personal email address if you respond. Please know responses do not get posted automatically until I approve them. See blog about "I'm Moving" under the June 2010 edition.
Until Next Time,
Nikki
This is my vote:
ReplyDelete"Being Friends After The Breakup" -- Can you? Should you? Will you? Will he? Upside -- great bond formed -- Downside -- get him/her outta my life
Whenever I am in a relationship, I tend to give my whole heart and soul. It seems that I have always been on the receiving end of a breakup and usually end up hurt. When that happens I usually close myself off to the whole world. I have never been friends with someone "after the break up"
mg
Dear Anonymous,
ReplyDeleteThanks for your comment. Okay so to answer your question, based on MY opinion. This is what you said "Whenever I am in a relationship, I tend to give my whole heart and soul. It seems that I have always been on the receiving end of a breakup and usually end up hurt. When that happens I usually close myself off to the whole world. I have never been friends with someone "after the break up"
Seems to me what was lacking in the relationships you were in was the "friendship" part of it from the get go. True friendship doesn't go away and neither does true love. Both can be unforgiving and both can be forgiving. My best advice is not to close yourself off from future happiness.
If you're the one always giving in the relationship, then perhaps next time don't give so much. People who are "givers" in relationships and when with the wrong person the other person will take advantage of you. Trust me when they start to take advantage of you, they lose respect for you and you will never get that back. This is their way of "controlling" you. The final control comes when they leave you. It's a victory for them in their mental bank account. My advice to you would be to try to find an equal. Someone you have nothing to prove to. Someone who loves you for you and not who they want you to be or become. Life is too short not to be happy.
Sure, happiness comes at a price as it should because it's the most important thing in your life. When you're happy other people around you will be happy and admire you for your strength. Be strong. Stay true to your heart and remember no matter what life deals you, God will NEVER give you anything you can't handle. So, get out there in the world and keep moving forward and allow yourself to love again. Give yourself permission to love and let go.
Until Next Time,
Nikki
Nikki maybe you can answer this one for me.
ReplyDeleteThere is this girl I just met -- well haven't really met her yet, we were introduced via email by a mutual friend.
We started off having casual exchanges of friendship, interests -- and it soon turned into some really steamy emails and phone calls.
I'm digging this and I think she is too. What's next? I'm supposed to meet her in September when I'm in her city. How would you play this?
Dear Anonymous,
ReplyDeleteRe: New person, steamy emails.
Well, first of all thanks for confiding in me. I'm sure I'm not the first person to get questions like this from readers, but none the less, it IS an open forum here. So, I'll do my best to answer your question.
So, you have this girl you just "met" but you haven't really "met" her? Hmmmm. First, I would ask myself what was it about this person your friend told you about that peaked your interest in her. With the email exchange it's hard to determine the tone of the message. Sometimes, emails can be taken so many ways. For instance, if I tell you you're a jerk in the email it may come across harsh. However, if I tell you in person or on the phone perhaps it would sound more playful (the way it was intended).
Emails can be so deceiving. We mean to say something and re-read it to make sure it says what we meant. Then when we hit send we question "I hope she/he will take it like I meant." "Or, maybe I shouldn't of sent it" or even better yet "I hope I sent it to the right person" Then we go back and double check the email address. lol
I'd say about the steamy emails and steamy phone calls. Since you said you "just" "met" this person that it sounds to me you two are in a place in your lives where there is a void. Steamy emails can be fun, and so can steamy phone calls. Make sure though when it comes time to "make a deposit" to continue the call you have money. Be sure the void you’re filling now is worth the price in the long run.
You're going to her city in September? How lucky the month of September will be for having the both of you. I'd say go with it, enjoy the time. Free yourself of judgments and be happy. I only ask that neither of you be married to someone else.
PS. I'm not married and my month of September is wide open, so if she cancels.... lol
Until Next Time,
Nikki
PSS. Remember to give yourself permission to love.
Feel free to post comments on my blog as comments do not get published without my approval.